adamweiler

With the release date of Warner Bros. Pictures’ The Dark Knight Rises looming ever closer, a lot of people are very curious about the villain Bane and his plans for Gotham City, which the latest trailer suggests will be truly epic in scale. However, what these eager fans do not realize is that there are far more important questions to ask Bane. For instance, what’s his view on tanning children? Is he on Team CoCo or does he root for Leno? Does he prefer American Idol over The Voice? And perhaps most pertinent of all: How did he get such an awe-inspiring physique? Well, rather than sit around and watch Netflix, I decided to get up and find some answers. So I set out to locate Bane and ask him himself. I first turned to Facebook and Twitter, but he wasn’t on either. Apparently Bane doesn’t use social media. I know. Shocking! I was stumped, I did not know of any other way to find Bane, or anyone for that matter. I even emailed the Joker for advice. He didn’t have any, though he did request that I make sure his DVR records the season finale of Glee. Eventually, I opted for a more experimental form of searching. But, I soon found that walking around Manhattan, asking people if they knew where Bane was, gets you a lot of weird looks. In the end, I admitted defeat and returned home. I was just about to watch the Daily Show, when I got a text message. The sender’s identity was blocked, but I opened it anyways and read:
“I got my physique from exercising and not sitting around all day in front of the computer and the TV.”
What a meathead.